Well, it seems like my long vacations are over. I got a new job. I'll be working as an assistant for a very nice person whose name I can't disclose right now as he works for many important people.
I'll be working your typical "9-5" schedule, something that I really hate, but there's nothing I can do now. I just said "yes" and I'll be there, working hard as usual trying to give my best everyday.
Among us, I have to admit that I missed working so bad! I love to be active, doing something that keeps my mind busy. I had time to write my stories, which I've got to admit that I didn't feel like translate them into English, so, I will upload them in Spanish first, then I'll upload them in English (next weekend, I promise). They're a little bit creepy as usual, and I'll have a surprise in English and Japanese there, so all of my dear friends would be able to read it.
On the other hand, I won't be able to log in into MySpace or Facebook as much as I used to for that same reason.
When I work, I give my 200%, so, no distractions and no personal stuff.
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One of the things I wanted to share here is the fact that Michi and I have a new project and we hope to have it completely developed by June,2010. We can't say anything in advance, but you guyz know how talented she is, so I'll be managing her in a very exciting adventure. We can't wait! But we need some "moolah" to invest in this project, and there it is where my job comes forward. That extra money will help us to make one of Michi's dreams come true.
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As you could see, now my main page(home) has music, something that I really, really wanted, and with the links and the tales will be finally completed.
It's my way to honor (even though a little) my beloved prince hide-chan. It's almost December, and this always makes me feel depressed and sad. Sometimes I just use to think about how come we never had the chance to meet each other, and how is possible that we had many connections between us and never saw them before?
It's like, almost surreal. I mean, I'm a mature, feet-on-the-ground woman, but this beautiful guy makes me believe in magic, he makes me believe that there's something beyond coincidence, beyond casualty, something that my skeptic mind still can't get sometimes.
When I meditate about all the strings that tie me to hide, all the weird links between him and me, I think it's just me, that I'm trying to see things where there are none, just to bring some hope to my life, to bring some closure to the fact that he's not on this Earth anymore, to help myself to deal with this endless pain.
I was crying yesterday. My friend Hiromi told me that she was in that X Japan live, the last one, when hide-chan cried.She also told me she was friends with hide's stylist, and that he (her friend) told her: "I doubt that hide-san can deal with this. The band means so much for him. I hope he will be fine".
And my friend Hiromi was here in Austin some years ago in this concert with Scorpions, and I was there, and we never met in person. We were amazed. As I said before in other occasion: hide-chan is a bridge. A bridge that has allowed me to know amazing people (like my "adopted" kids, Han & Shou) and many, many friends I can't name them all right now.
It's amazing.
I will celebrate both our B-days eating a Spider Roll and drinking a Kirin beer, and hopefully singing. I don't want to cry that day. I know my heart will be bleeding, but I won't show any tears. hide-chan deserves my smile, even if it's a fake one, just as he used to do. To play joyous music while singing those terrible lyrics of his. After all, everything is POSE!.
This is Annie Matsumoto, signing out...♥

October is a great month for me because it's so much fun! In Mexico, we don't have this tradition of Halloween, but...we do have "Day of The Dead" (El dia de los Muertos) and it's a beautiful celebration to remember all of those people we still love and miss.Day of the Dead is rooted in ancient customs — both Aztec and Catholic.
In Mexico, you know, they use to set this "altar"(shrine), and they dedicate it to a deceased loved one in particular.They put Cempoalxóchitl flowers. candles, skulls, a cross made out of salt, cut out paper, and the favorite food of the dead person. All of this is arranged in a beautiful way, and even have contests for the most beautiful shrine.

On Nov. the 1st, we celebrate the dead children, and on Nov. the 2nd, the adult dead ones.
It's our way to tell them that we'll never forget them, and that we're inviting them to visit us that day.
Many people celebrate that day going to the cemetery; they clean the graveyards, and they eat on the tombs,they sing and pray. It's just beautiful. Of course, the cemetery is overcrowded, so, you have to go early, cuz you're gonna spend most of the day in there.
Once you're there, you'll be able to see a variety of little stands; these merchants have everything you need: flowers,candles,food,crosses, etc, you name it.
There are sometimes Mariachis, so you can hire them to sing your beloved one's favorite song.

The most beautiful places to visit Mexico during those celebrations are the little towns in the South of my country, like Pátzcuaro and Janitzio.
They have a beautiful lake, and when the night comes, you can see the boats with candles in them, floating, leading the souls to the cemetery. It's just magical.

There are many other towns with their typical celebrations that are just adorable, but tourists spoil them very bad. A very good example of this, is this incredible and funny comic called "Day of the Dead" made by one of my favorite cartoonists: Sergio Aragonés
; you can read part of this fantastic comic here on this link:
Magazine preview
If you want, you can set a shrine at home, and it's really simple, you can put everything on a table dedicated especially for the occasion, -don't forget to include the photo of your deceased one-and wait for your beloved one's soul to visit you on that especial day.
This is waaaay better than Halloween is; Halloween only provides children with an opportunity to ask for candy ("trick or treat"), wear costumes and have fun.
Many adults organize costume parties and get drunk.
By the way, Michi will have a Halloween party this year, we have a big yard this year and she'll invite many of her friends to a "JRock-Potluck-Halloween Party", hahaha!!
She'll be playing JRock music, of course, and all of the guests would cosplay instead of wearing typical Halloween costumes.
Michis' costume? Of course she will be cosplaying Miyavi!!
Enjoy the photos here and the links about the "Day of the Dead".
This is Annie, signing out.

Yesterday I was very, very,very tired.Today I'm very, very, very tired.
As HIDE used to say, life is like a Merry-Go-Round: everyday is the same crap.
If it wasn't for my kiddos, I swear I wouldn't be here.
I miss my country so bad!!
I have my wonderful friends who I used to hang out with every weekend, my mom and my older brother (of course, I have these wonderful friends who read my stupid blogs, but you know guys, it's not the same, I'd wish I could see you face to face and have a beer with each one of you!).
I have no family here.
No friends.Nobody has time to make friends here.
I feel lonely sometimes.
That's when I start to write.Many creepy things come to my mind when I feel like this.
Why?
I have no idea.
And I try all the time to use my time wisely, like, redecorating my place & painting, doing some stupid painting on a piece of wood, or on the walls, or...
It's hard to live.
Really hard.
I love to write about suicide a lot.
No that I'm thinking of doing it, actually. There are my kids who need me. I'm not that selfish.
And I'm not stupid, either.
I'm trying everyday to make it count.
My every day life is great when I heard the voices of my kids,or my mom calling over the phone.
But aside from that, is this the life I wanted to live for?
I mean, aside from being a mom, I wanted to do so many different things!
I wanted to travel, to meet people, to stay in touch with my roots, so...
This sux big time.
Maybe because it's really dark outside right now, pouring, everything wet that I feel like that.
I don't know.
I miss so many things!
(And I miss you, hide-chan!).
I better start to write some story where the main character commits suicide. That always makes me feel better...
Ja ne!

The first time I had to face the fact that we all will vanish from this world was when my Grandmother died. I'd never thought about death before. I was just a 14 year old girl when she passed away, we were very, very close and I loved her more like a mother than a Grandmother.
She raised me when my mother had to go out to work. I learned how to pray, how to sing, how to read and how to be a loved child when I was the only child in the household all because of her.
She turned my infancy in the most cherished moment of my life.
So, when she died, my mind was confused.
On one side, the Grandma I knew was full of life, she was a kind, sweet woman, who taught me the value of loyalty, who taught me about laughing, about music and art.
She was my best friend, the only person in my life that could understand me and love me the way I was when I was a troubled teenager.
So, the last time I saw her, she was bedridden in a hospital bed, dying from what the doctors believed it was cancer. Her sweet face wasn’t the same. It had the color of ashes. I could see she was suffering. But as I could also see, she still had the dignity of the lady I’d known and she wouldn’t show she was in pain.
She was surrounded by all these catheters, tubes, machines. I got close to the bed, to say “Hi” and she looked at me with the same love and sweetness, but her eyes were not shinning like before, and she seemed to be so, so tired…she looked like all she wanted to do was sleep.
My mom left the room for a moment, and I tried to wet my Granny’s lips with a damp cloth, when she whispered: “My mom”. Thinking that she was asking for my mom, I told her that my mom would come back in a minute, but she said again: “No, my mom” and she looked to a corner of the room like she was seeing somebody. I saw nothing, but I could feel it.
Somebody, an unknown presence was there, in the same room as us, waiting for her. I firmly believe it. And somehow, even though all of us wanted her condition to improve and come home, I knew she was about to die, but my mind didn’t want to accept it.
We all had to go out to have some lunch, after seeing my Grandma improving a little bit (we didn’t have an idea that that wasn’t an improvement, but it was just the "surge of energy" that some patients experience before death. It's tough because the family thinks that the person is getting better).
When we came back, they told us that my Grandma was gone. My mom couldn’t believe it, and started to cry out loud. I was in shock. I couldn’t cry, not a single tear, but I felt her in the air, like she was looking at us from above, but very, very close to us.
I tried to comfort my mom, but she couldn’t understand my feelings at that moment..
Seeing my beloved Abuelita inside of a coffin didn’t help much. She looked like she was simply sleeping.
She was a woman who made me believe in magic, in angels, in God, in fairies, who helped a lonely child to find a magic kingdom in the patio while everyone was busy working outside. She made me feel loved, important, essential, especial…
Now I had to come back to my reality and deal with adolescence by myself, without the shelter of her arms.
It was tough. My parents were working all day long and I didn’t have many friends to hang out with.
I was a nerd, a girl whose only joy was to hear from the teacher I was the best in the classroom. Everybody hated me. I wasn’t pretty, I wasn’t rich, but I was smart.

I sometimes dream of dead people. People I’ve met, people who I never met. I’ve never seen a ghost in my life. I’ve been in places where people claim to have seen ghosts, deceased people, and I’ve seen none. But…I’ve dreamt of them. They tell me things in my dreams.
Yeah, c’mon, tell me I’m crazy (I’ve heard that enough, so it won’t hurt me a bit).
When my Abuelita died, I dreamt of her just once in the beginning. Once. I don’t even remember what it was, but when I told my mom about that, she was a little upset: “Why can’t I dream of her??”. I had no answer for that.
Many times I saw my mother struggling in life, finding herself lonely and with nobody to comfort her, missing her own mom, feeling like she had nobody else to look after her.
My mother is a strong, independent and open minded woman who could deal with a separation without showing any tears.
Many years after, when I moved and had my own kids, my mom came to visit me at my place. I was living in the city where my Grandma died, where my mom grew.
One night, I had a vivid dream: I was coming from my job, and I walked into the room to greet my mother when I saw my grandmother sitting behind my mom!. My grandmother turned to me, and I remember that I smiled, surprised to see her in my house, and I remember telling my mother, "Hey, there's my Abuelita" when I awoke.
I told my mom about my dream. I even told her its meaning. Being my Granny seated behind my mom, not talking to her or looking at her, for me it was like a message. A message that she –my Granny- was always with her, like an angel, she was no longer there for my mom to see her, but she was still with her, watching over her. That’s what I felt. My mom was so emotional when I told her that! I think that she felt relieved to know that all those years, she wasn’t alone at all. Her mom was there for her, supporting her.
I’ve never dreamt of my Granny after that. That was the last time.
I know I will see her the day I die. I don’t know if my mom will be there by then (I hope not), but my Granny, oh, I’m sure she’ll be there. I’m not even close to what she was in life, but I have her first name, which many of the women in the family have as their first name, like a way to honor the special and wonderful person she was.
My own daughter has that name too. And when I told her about my Granny my daughter always says: “I’d wish I could have met her”, and in some part of my heart I know that she’s somewhere, watching over me, until the day we’ll meet again.


In the year of 1998, the same year hide-chan died, it was released "Wandafuru Raifu",from the award-winning director Kore-eda Hirokazu (Maborosi) ;this remarkably touching film explores the profound human need to discover meaning in everyday life. Many films have offered insight into the unexplainable realm of the after life. In Hirokazu's thought-provoking vision, the newly deceased find themselves in a way station somewhere between Heaven and Earth. With the help of dedicated caseworkers, each soul is given three days to choose one cherished memory from their life that they will relive for eternity. As the film reveals, recognizing happiness and finding a life's worth of meaning in a single event is no simple task. If Heaven is only a single memory from your life, as Hirokazu suggests, which memory would you choose?

After Life [Wandafuru Raifu ]

Hello!
Well, this is getting exciting by the hour! Michi-chan has applied her html skills here to make my site a li'l but more interesting and ad hoc. I'm actually quite proud of her!
I never thought she'd do something like this.
My former background wasn't me enough, so, she used her instincts and talent to create something more me.
I'll add some of my tales in the "Honey Blade" section, and some other very interesting links in the "Links" section (so obvious, isn't it?).
In the meantime, I'll keep updating my blog with some things that happen in my boring daily life, but as my hide used to say: "Life is like a merry go round-and-round", so...
Tomorrow I'll have a bureaucratic mission to accomplish, so, I won't be here part of the morning time, but I hope I can make it up when I return.
I still have some truly interesting things to talk about tomorrow and in the days to come, so, you better watch out! OK?
Ja ne! (See ya!)